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    February 10

    想得到的永遠得不到,就讓痛苦跟隨著自己一輩子

    病得越來越嚴重了,只要稍為進到那個過去,抽麻的感覺便四散整個上半身。據說這是胃痛,而非心痛,不知是否因此而胃酸分泌失調,就算不是,也很傷胃吧。
     
    最近翻到一本書「我的孩子得了憂鬱症」,我想我的狀態大慨就是憂鬱症吧,只是問題不在這裡面,不是平凡能夠迎解的;想到恨自己的媽媽,就覺得有點慚愧,那是一個付出無限愛與痛苦的偉大使者,我確將這份不滿放在裡面,但是又能怎麼樣呢,誰也不知道自己的孩子是這個樣子,是個帶著宿命降臨的孩子,小小得恨,卻又很對不起。
     
    總是要用想像、要用假裝來安撫自己,一睜眼卻又看見現實的無情,看著別人擁有,看著別人為那些而煩惱,能夠懷抱的自己,確得不到。把所有的感情放在那裡,不在乎周遭所賜予的關愛,變得像是個無情的人,行動卻又不斷流落出豐富的感情,到底是為誰而難過?
     
    完全沒有歸宿。
     
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    不管我給與妳什麼,我永遠都是一個   ,並不是在那之外不行,只是當出現的時後,我會無情的放手。

    Comments (3)

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    維陽wrote:
    你能撐過去的
    Mar. 19
    你需要一位心理醫師...
     
    感覺越來越黑暗= ="
    Mar. 18
    虛偽的凜wrote:
    重度憂鬱症導致生理疾病...?
    有可能需要心理輔導了...(滅
    Feb. 17

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